The Journey Never Ends...

Just recently I discovered a box high on a shelf simply marked as "Christy's Stuff."  Inside I found about 20 years worth of memories.  Among the pictures of teenagers with big bangs, tapes with songs recorded off the radio and greeting cards from once beloved friends was THE outline.  I was 16 when I gave a "talk" at my church's confirmation retreat and the topic was "Christ in My Life."  I read through this outline and could picture the circumstances perfectly the night I delivered this dialogue.  It was in that moment I realized that the "talk" I had given so long ago was meant to touch my heart 16 years later though in a far different way.  

I knew early on that I wanted Christ in my life, but was I unaware of how His divine place in my life would change so dramatically over the years.  I smiled at how much has changed since that night inside St. Francis Catholic Church.  I've been married almost 8 years, I climbed a corporate ladder and I've welcomed three great miracles into my life.  The same theme still remains.  I know I want Christ in my life, but how much am I willing to let Him in?  I had fears then about the responsibility and accountability that goes along with truly following Christ.  I still do, it seems.

I've grown much closer to our Savior, especially over the past 5 years.  Having Christ in my life has taken on a far greater and deeper meaning than when I was a teen and I (and my husband, Troy) have stepped out on faith in ways I could never have predicted.  I realized about 5 years ago that I do not want to be a casual "going to church on Sunday" Christian doing my duty as if it is something to check off my to-do list.  I wanted it to be the life-style choice I live by.  The choice by which I am a wife, by the way I raise my children and by the way I am a friend.  This choice, as I've discovered, is one that requires great growth and dissolving of one's self.  That's been scary.

Over the past year and a half, I faced what was the greatest weakness in my faith.  I became afraid to ask God to bless me with something which my spirit continued to crave but my mind feared.  By His grace, I had already experienced great occasions of growth of faith in Him through sacrifice, study and service.  I had learned to simply pray and ask God to grow my faith in Him.  Then, it got tough.  I had been alright with this until I had to give up control...and completely trust Him.  Until I had to face real and challenging circumstances in my life which had NOT been MY choice, did I begin to rethink this whole "God, grow my faith."

Though suited for my talents, my choice in career really had been...my choice.  Though blessed by God, my choice in a spouse had really been my choice.  My choice to stay home and give up my career (though still perhaps the blessed one), was really...my choice.  I had made these choices without really consulting with my Maker.  To have Shane and Travis was mine and Troy's choice.  We planned for them.  We planned for everything.  We were in CONTROL.  ...or so I thought.  

When Travis was born and diagnosed with a heart condition in 2006, I had fear, but I did have faith.  I've asked God to extinguish those fears many times and bring peace; and He does.  God has undoubtedly used Travis' circumstances to touch our hearts and grow our trust in Him.  He continues to do so to this very day.  But there are many areas of our lives; the parts that you just want to tuck away and say to yourself [and God], I'll deal with those later.  Sooner or later, those areas must be faced and dealt with.  2008 was my year to bring these issues out of darkness and into light to deal with them.  It could no longer be ignored.  

I love my children.  I adore my children.  Shane, Travis & Justin are precious to me and they are miracles in the eyes of God.  When I found out I was pregnant in August of 2007, instead of feeling the elation of joy and anticipation, I felt nervous, scared and out of...CONTROL.  Having a third baby, especially when Travis had just turned one, was not in MY plans.  The first year of his life had been spent in and out of the ER but was improving.  I had felt, through discernment and prayer, called to teach.  I could not understand why God would so abruptly change the plans on me.

I spent most of 2008 realizing why.  The night I discovered I was pregnant, I laid on the couch meditating on Psalm 46:10, "Be Still and Know That I Am God."  As I allowed God to calm my mind, he entered my heart and I heard Him so clearly.  "I Choose You," he said.  I prayed over His words to me for the next several weeks.  Could it simply mean that He chose me to be this baby's mother?  Obviously.  There had to be more to it.  Then, I remembered why Jesus spoke in parables.  It was to draw people to Him; to lead people to ask more questions for a deeper understanding.  First of all, He was drawing me nearer to Him.  Second, I felt perhaps He meant that He chose to be with me; he wants to be close to me.  Then it hit me.  The words, "I CHOOSE."  As this occurred to me I felt a weight lift; I felt a peace.  That was it; it was God's choice.  My control all this time as an illusion.  We were never really in control when we wanted to have Shane & Travis.  All blessed gifts come directly from God and are a result of His grace and love.

I spent the next year battling the double edged sword of free-will and control.   It occurred to me that I had far greater issues with control in my life than I had ever been willing to admit.  I was not angry to be welcoming another baby, but I was having a pity party that it had not been by MY choice.  I had such difficulty realizing the incredible freedom that comes with accepting that I am not in control and that, simply, God is.  Choosing not to accept this truth lead to much frustration and, eventually, some resentment.  I battled this while trying to accept God's will for my life and remain a loving, happy mother and wife.

It was not until I was sitting in bible study one Tuesday morning that it all reached the point of breaking free.  I had been absent from bible study for almost a year and was so grateful to be back, but as I sat there listening and then watching the video, I became sick.  All of the unhealthy emotions that had been building up over time had finally caused me to become "sin sick."  I never really thought of my struggle as a sin, but, in reality, anything that separates me from my Savior is really considered sin.  I began to pray, asking God if this was a sign that I should seek absolution.  It would never enter my mind on my own; it was undeniably a "God thing".  I had never imagined going to "confession" again after having left the Catholic church, but that's exactly what I felt led to seek.  I asked God for a clear sign; I wanted to be sure it was not the enemy's way of tempting me to leave.  The feeling of illness became so strong I became dizzy.  I immediately left and sought my pastor and friend, Clay.  I said to God, "If Clay's there--and I was sure it was him with whom I was supposed to speak--that's my final sign, please, God."  He was there.  I talked and he listened intently.  I felt no guilt.  I felt release.  I felt free.  I confessed my struggle with control in my life and it's consequences.  It was not really until that moment that God made it clear that I needed to allow Him to take His rightful place back in my life.  My thoughts went back to, "I Choose You."  I needed to choose Him and His plan for me.

If not for the foundation of faith he'd helped grow and nurture in me over the recent years, I'm not sure how I would have handled my struggle last year.  At times, I'm saddened for the moments of joy that passed by unnoticed due to my own selfish battle.  Quickly, though, any sadness is surpassed by gratitude in God's unceasing forgiveness, His redemption, His patience and His Love.  I do still struggle with control, often slipping back into thinking I can control my life, my children's lives and my situation.  I can't.  I am grateful that although I may THINK I can sometimes, I remind myself of what I BELIEVE.  I believe God is in control, and that is a blessing, not a burden.  I can make faith-based choices and check them with God by going to Him in prayer or by reading His word.  I've come to realize that my choice to allow God to be in control must, for me, be a daily choice.  I want to choose God.  Some things are worth doing over and over again.  Daily, I choose to be grateful that God has a plan for me and that I don't have to worry about it.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  It's only through relationship with Him that I'll ever discover His perfect plans.  God made me; He knows me.  He knows my struggles and He also knows the way to freedom from them.  

Still, it can be a scary request to ask, "God, grow my faith."  He might ask me to do something unlike anything I'd ever imagined.  The reward, however, is far more valuable and worth the risk.  I've come to learn that the most valuable rewards do not often come without sacrifice.  He has plans for me [and you].  He never said it would always be easy, but it is always for the best.  Even in the length of this letter am I unable to express how God grew my faith in Him over the past year.  I still have difficult days when my patience (and sanity) is tested, just as any parent staying home with young children.  Colossians 3:23 comes to mind as I recall that my day to day job, though challenging, is fulfillng God's purpose for me in this phase of my life:  "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."  This meaning is the same whether I were writing position statements for the EEOC or if I'm changing diapers and making tent forts.  I offer up my service for my family as a way to say Thank You to God.  Now, I am not just taking care of my family for their sake, but as an offering of love and obedience to my God.  We are blessed to have a servant King, one whom would do anything that's best for us.  What burden is it, really, to offer my life as service to Him by obeying and rejoicing in His will.

Does He love me so much that He would care about what seems to be so insignificant on a daily basis?  Does he care that sometimes I feel like I want to bury my face in my hands?  Does he care that I feel true joy in watching my son learn walk?  Yes, he does.  He cares about my happiness here on Earth.  He cares about my fulfillment.  He cares about my pain.  Most important, he cares about my salvation.  I think the most critical and precious way he expressed, "I Choose You" is by his own choice 2000 years ago.  He chose death on a cross.  In spite of my sin, He'd rather endure such pain and humiliation than to spend eternity without me...and you.  Such love.  

I've learned that struggles will never end this side of paradise.  Though, thanks to God's gift of free-will, I can choose Him.  I can choose to give up my struggles to Him and let Him just...BE GOD.  Again, it's not always easy, but it is a conscience and deliberate choice when it is made.  In my files, I've tucked away the outline which detailed "Christ In My Life" at 16 years old.  It reminds me of how far I've come on my walk with Christ.  More importantly, it reminds me of how far I've yet to go and I'm so grateful that God is not, and will never, be done with me.

In Christ's Love,

Christy

I felt compelled to write a testimony of my experiences in the hopes that I will always remember and recount them.  Sometimes, it's scary to be bold and honest both with yourself and those you love.  I felt led to share this publiclly and not keep it hidden in my journal.  I pray that someone who might come to read this may be touched by Christ's love for them...and choose Him.  

Thank you, Troy, for walking beside me as we discover for our lives more than we ever bargained.  You are God's perfect choice for me.  I love you and I thank our Lord for your presence, always.  

Justin Enjoying His New Toy...

Each of the boys have played in this circular walker and they've all loved it. This is a little clip of Justin's first time playing with his new toy.....




I'll have to add some footage in his jumper....he gets airborne! He 7 months and 4 day old today and will be fully crawling just any time now. He's lunging like a pond frog right now. When he gets some significant distance, you should see the surprise on his face!

(Wow! Posting two days in a row...I'm almost on a roll!)

Fall 2008 Update...

It seems that updating a blog on a regular basis is not as easy as I once hoped. At any rate, I'll still get to it as often as possible!!

Justin is growing....and fast!! He went from barely making it onto the regular percentile growth charts at the 5th percentile at 4 months to barreling into the 50th percentile at 6 months of age!! He is no longer a baby pip-squeek!! He's also doing much better with his colic and diet since he's now switched to drinking Nutramigen (the same stinky, expensive milk-free formula that Travis once drank). We don't know if he has a true allergy like Travis, but all we know is that life is much more peaceful in the Lindsey house these days!! We're counting those blessings, but it's difficult not to cringe when buying a can at the store!! EOUCH!!! It hurts! Justin was baptized on August 3rd at our church, St. Philip's. My brother, Derek, and sister-in-law, Michelle, are his Godparents. He kicked Fr. Clay mercilessly in the gut the entire time it took to baptize him!! I laughed and told him to imagine that from the other side for about 5 months straight! Justin is now smiling so much more than he did in his first months and is turning out to be an incredibly happy baby. He is already trying to crawl and this morning he was sitting up in his crib. He's now 7 months old and is ready to conquer the world; he gets frustrated that he cannot keep up with his older brothers!!! Shane and Traivs are very good at entertaining Justin and trying to make him laugh, though.

Travis celebrated is 2nd birthday in July. ...and he's DEFINITELY two!!! He's still high spirited, curious and an absolute JOY! He's still just as happy as ever but his stubborn streak certainly make it's presence known. It's wonderful to be able to say that it's been ONE YEAR since we've had a visit to the ER due to any heart-related issues!!!!! The improvement in his heart at the age of 18 months has proven to be a great G0d-given miracle! His imagination is taking off and he loves playing with Shane. I love hearing them play pretend games. Lately, the role-play of choice for both of them has been "pirates." We hear many "ARGH's" and "AYE's" about the house. They have foam-sword fights and make one another walk-the-plank by stepping off the bed onto the floor. I originally planned to send Travis to mother's-day-out along with Shane this year. Though, after Shane spent a week at A.M. sports camp in August, I had a change of heart. Travis seemed to eat up every moment with me. I decided to keep him home with me this year along with Justin. It's proving to be a really good choice. He's so different when he's alone with me. His vocabulary has sky-rocketed in the past few months. He says some things to very literally make me laugh out loud. I'm really enjoying this time with him before he does begin pre-school.


Shane is about to turn 5....WOW!...that sounds so strange to say!! He's in pre-kindergarten this year and will start the Big K next year. He's doing really well and is excited about school. He is such a sponge and asks 100+ questions in a single day. He has a very high natural curiosity about how everything work and why. I can honestly say there are some questions he's asked that I just have to say, "Let's research that together to find the answer." He's excited to play soccer in the spring and he wants to give a Karate another kick! He's decided that Mr. Rick is actually a nice guy. He's still my cautious one. I just hope he has the same sense of caution when he's 16!!! (as I've said...Shane's my "thinker" and Travis is my "stinker.") Shane's really amazed me at some of the things he's said and questions he's asked about God. He brings up God or even the idea of God in the middle of even simple every-day activities. He seems to have a deeper grasp of God than I could imagine having at his age. When he prays and talks to God it gives me such hope that maybe he'll have a stronger relationship with Christ sooner than Troy and I did. He's on his own walk and God will reveal himself to all our boys as he sees best. Shane has taken to a real love of fishing. He fishes with Troy and my Dad anytime he's up at the lake and Troy has taken Shane for a couple of early morning outings. Troy bought a surprise "big boy" rod and reel for him this summer. Shane's casting abilities have REALLY surprised us. He's, well, pretty darn good! He reeling in the fish but isn't quite comfortable taking them off of the hook yet. GOOD THING! Shane loves to sail and enjoyed his sailing adventures with my parents this summer. My Dad bought a little Sunfish to teach his grandboys the science of sailing. One day, maybe he'll let them take out Captain G-Dog & First Mate MiMi's beloved sailboat "Vela," but, for now, they can take turn pretending to be Sunfish Captains.

I am so proud of my boys...all four of them! Troy is still enjoying his job and doing well at work. The state of the economy does not seem to have a great effect on his company or his job. For that, we are exceedingly grateful! As I write this entry Troy is actually in Peru with a mission team from St. Philip's to help build a church in Cabanaconde. This is something he's felt a call to do for about a year and a half, but God opened the door allowing him to go this Fall. He's been so excited to go and see why God called to him to participate. I'm so pleased for him that he simply decided to say YES and to be obedient to the call. The choice was not necessarily easy. He was anxious to leave the four of us at home alone, but we trusted that God would provide all we need even when our Daddy is away....I'm mostly referring to patience & peace, of course!!! Yes, I promise to have the two of us sit down and write an entry about his trip when he gets home. Many of you have provided provision by way of funds or prayer to make this journey possible. For each of you, we are grateful beyond expression. As far I go, I am just taking in each day as a new adventure. I recently found myself in a much better place and happier than I've felt in many months. I'm back to Bible study Tuesday mornings and feel a greater sense of peace and God's daily presence again. WHEW! I really need it!! Troy and I are back to joking around together like we used to and my stress level has been knocked down a few SEVERAL degrees. Circumstances haven't really changed, but the way in which I view them certainly has. We all have our distinct seasons in life and I'm happy to say this last one is closing and a new, even more joyful one, has begun!

In His Love,
Christy

Celebrating the 4th with friends...

In the words of my dear Dad...it was a weekend they'll write stories about for years to come... (and you'd have to know my Dad for that to be funny!!)

We had an awesome July 4th weekend....hope you all did as well! Our closest friends came up from Houston with their two boys--Chris, Kelly, Tyler and Cole. Usually our visits are limited to a regular weekend, and we try to squeeze in everything we possibly can. We all really enjoyed having a full extra day to spend time having fun as well as relaxing. We hit the new Frisco pool at the rec center and had a blast for a few hours. Justin and I did several laps around the lazy river while he slept peacefully on my stomach with his feet in the water. Shane is finally loving the water this summer like a fish and Travis is still a little "ify" about pools. We also made it out to the Rough Rider game on the night of the 4th. All 5 boys did great at the game. Travis, who doesn't know a stranger, ended up making friends with the family sitting behind us and their two older boys. Shane was really into watching the game; Troy and I hope he takes an interest most in playing baseball. When the game was over, the boys were amazed to be sitting directly under the fireworks. When the first boom hit, I thought for sure they'd all jump out of their shorts, but they didn't flinch. They loved every moment. It was a great rush to see them all so excited. We also made homemade ice cream with this very cool ball that Chris & Kelly brought up. You can get it at REI and it's meant especially to take on camping trips. You roll it around/shake/toss it for about 30 minutes and then you have (quite tasty) soft serve. We made vanilla for the kids and then let them make the grown-up ice cream with Khalua in it!! We had so much fun and the kids thought it was the best ice cream they'd ever had.

We all had a blast and hate to have the weekend(s) come to an end. We're trying not to let so much time pass between visits. We miss you and love you all very much! Next trip's on us, guys! Houston or bust!!!

Better Late Than Never!!!

Yes, some will make fun of me for doing this, but I DON'T SCRAPBOOK!!!!!! So, I've intended on starting our "blog" for some time now, but somehow my days just seem to fill up with preparing meals, making bottles, cleaning, diapers, being the "Cruise Director"...and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

We've had a busy summer finding any and every fun activity to do indoors in efforts to beat the insane heat. We've found every great indoor play place and the folks at Chick-fil-A recognize us as we walk up! Shane and Travis have been wonderful big brothers to Justin and have adjusted better than ever expected. We welcomed Justin into our lives 6 1/2 weeks earlier than anticipated on March 16th of this year. What a CRAZY (and scary) time that was!!! We are blessed beyond earthly measure to have the friends and family God's placed in our lives. We could not have made it and kept our sanity throughout everything (beginning back in February) without you...and you all know who you are!

Justin is gaining weight and growing by leaps and bounds. Though he comes in just under the 5th percentile, we have finally made it onto the "real" baby charts!!! His precious personality is really beginning to shine through and the colic is wearing off (whew!!!). His smile is so warm and he often giggles out loud and the silliness of his big brothers.


Shane is growing so fast!!! He amazes me at how complex his thoughts can be at times. The questions he asks of me blow me away. You can tell he really reflects on a topic for quite some time and prepares his questions. It's difficult to believe he'll be five in October! The years have passed with barrelling speed. I am so grateful to have been able to put my career on hold when I did to spend this time with him before he begins Kindergarten. We've grown so close and he often makes me laugh out loud. His strong-willed spirit still prevails and he's as stubborn as ever (gee, don't have a clue where he gets it??), but I hope it will only benefit him for the long run.



Travis is still just as happy as ever and is such a little charmer. He is our little stinker for sure! It is driven by his intense curiosity for "cause and effect." He wants to know how everything feels, tastes, works, etc. He is also incredibly active! He is almost ALWAYS on the move. He loves to do silly dances, climb, run, or anything that keeps him MOVING!!! The three activities that will slow him down are eating (and those that know Travis know that he'll eat anything as long as it doesn't eat him 1st!), playing with trains or if he's ready to go to sleep (he's like his Mom--he loves his sleep, too!). He is fascinated with trains, especially Thomas. He and Shane can play together for at least an hour or more when building tracks and pushing along trains. The picture of Travis to the right is what happens when he's quiet for too long. He'd shaken Justin's baby powder ALL OVER the guest room!



Troy and I are often still amazed when we step back and look at our life together. It seems like only days ago we were planning our wedding and preparing to buy our first house. On July 7th we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. In total, we've been together 10 1/2 years!!! We still have fun together amidst the insanity that work and parenting can bring. If you can't laugh at the day-to-day trials then you can so easily find yourself sinking...or at least that goes for us. Sometimes the stress does get to us, but it's not long before we laugh....or else I think I'd just stand in the middle of the kitchen and cry (which, yes, I've done!!)! As often as possible we make time to do things we've always enjoyed; just playing various card or domino games, hanging out on our porch and just relaxing, playing darts (though there's still controversy over where to hang the dart board in the new house 9 months after moving in!) or working on house projects (which NEVER end!). We're still active members of our church home--St. Philip's Episcopal. I've had to step back and focus more on being a Mom than on volunteering, but God makes no mistakes and places you right where he wants you.


We hope you all are doing well and having a great summer, thus far! Stay safe!

Love in Christ,

Christy